Sunday, February 22, 2015

Break My Heart

My three year old had a runny nose on Saturday night and it was clear that he was not feeling well.  I got out my cold toolbox filled with saline nose spray, Kleenex, cold medicine, Purell and Vix, ready to tackle the onslaught of runny noses that was sure to hit my home in the coming days.  I got out his humidifier and began thinking out loud as I filled it with water.

"We're going to have to figure out what to do tomorrow for church, bud.  Maybe Daddy can stay with you because I'm supposed to sing and lead a prayer tomorrow.  And I have all those scones I baked for the cafe...Still, I hate to leave you when you are sick."

I plopped the water container on the humidifier base and got it running then looked over at my little boy.  His eyes were filling with big crocodile tears.  "Mama...You can't leave me.  I sick.  Mama, it would break my heart," he said as a sob began rolling out of his little body.

I scooped him up in a bear hug.  "Oh, honey, I won't leave you if you need me.  I will never leave you if you need me.  I would drop everything to be there for you, okay?"

As I held him close to me, I realized that my focus had been all wrong.  I saw the runny nose and I went into survival mode.  I got out my checklist and began to work it.  I mentally arranged and rearranged my life so that I could accomodate a sick child but still meet my obligations.  But I didn't stop to remember that the real key to making a sick child feel better is his mama.

All he wanted was time to snuggle with me, time to be held and time to be reassured that soon, he would feel better.  Is that easy for a mom to do?  Kind of.  It's easy to feel that and want that but it's very very hard to do that.  It involves being completely selfless.  We have to let our agendas go and reprioritize and reschedule.  It's much easier to give them cold medicine and go about our lives.  But, in the end, I don't think it will matter if the church ate my scones that day or heard me sing that day. It will matter that I held my son that day and let him know that I was there for him.

How do you respond when your children throw your agenda out of whack?  It's okay if you feel put off by it.  My mom always says, "You can't help how you feel but you can help how you act."  Focus on your actions and make God proud.

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