Monday, July 7, 2014

It's Getting Better

Sometimes, when I feel more emotional than logical, songs will pop into my head that help me to understand more fully how I feel.  Do you remember the Beatles song, "It's Getting Better"?  I love the chorus as they sing, "I have to admit it's getting better.  It's getting better all the time."  Today, as I blew bubbles with my kids, that song played over and over again in my mind.

As I told you earlier in the week, my oldest has been sick and I've had a lot on my mind.  This combination has not been ideal and neither has my attitude.  I usually love being around my kids, even on really crazy days.  They are so funny and witty and joyful that they can make any day better.  But as I try to navigate heavier emotions, I find that I want to retreat into my mind.  That is not an option for a mother of three under 5.  I made a decision to stop seeing them as a hinderance to my happiness.  I decided to see them as a pathway to reach a peace in my heart.  And it's begun to work.  

I took my oldest to the doctor this morning while my wonderful mom stayed with the younger two.  He didn't talk much (a rarity!) but he did ask me to hold him for the first time in at least a year.  He sat on my lap and let me stroke his hair without a "Mommy!  Don't!"  He nuzzled his head on my shoulder as we walked out to the car, just like he did when he was a baby.  We went to CVS to get his prescription then walked the aisles for something fun to bring home.  He found some bubbles and then we headed home.

I was worried the spell would break when we put his siblings in the mix but it didn't.  It was like he had been filled up with love and was ready to share it.  "Rosie, Drew!  Want to do bubbles with me?  We can take turns popping them!"  he said.  He gave them each a series of turns popping them and even caught bubbles for his baby sister to pop.  She squeeled in delight and bounced on my knees trying to get even closer to the action.  Then I began to hear the song.  

It is getting better.  It's getting better because I'm opening my eyes to the blessings I already have in my life instead of thinking about all the things I am losing.  It doesn't make the hurt disappear but it certainly provides a salve to my heart.   Hugs, $2 bubbles and a few giggles are all I really need to have a good day.  That, and an openess to the peace that God can provide if we just decide to welcome it.

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